Friday, July 12, 2019

             Marriage By The Numbers

"I've lived in all the houses he's built. The one in the air. The one underground. The one in the water. The one on the sand." Carly Simon from We're So Close


I've been married most of my life. That fact occurred to me as our wedding anniversary approached. It also made me wonder just how many times I've asked my husband what he'd like for dinner. Or watch on Netflix. Or make weekend plans. How often has miscommunication been the unwelcome cause for an argument? We can't even count the times we've howled with laughter in a car or sat in angry silence as the miles dragged by. 

Marriage, including mine, continues to change and evolve. Americans are still getting married but at an older age. The median age of first marriages has hit its highest point on record according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Median age for men is 30 years; median age for women - 28 years. And whom we're marrying is changing. Since 1967, there's been a steady increase of Americans marrying someone of a different ethnicity, reported Pew Research Center. Also, 39% of Americans (married since 2010) are married to someone of a different religion. What's a bit more certain about marriage is that you're most likely to choose a mate who agrees with you politically. A poll conducted by the Pew Research Center found that 77% of both Democrats and Republicans have spouses of the same party.

What hasn't changed is marrying for love. And 88% of us apparently believe love is the reason to marry according to Pew Research Center. And how do we remain in venerable wedlock? In a 2015 survey, the Center found that 64% of Americans believe that shared interests help us to stay married. 

Maybe it's also all those times our eyes meet across a crowded room and we know exactly what each other is thinking.

We have a long history together. We are each other's history. 

This is our marriage:

Apartments - 5
Houses - 3
Cars - 11
States Lived In - 4
Sets of Dishes - 4
Vacations Alone - 1
Living Room Couches - 5
Number of Years Promised to Try This Marriage Thing Until Amicable Separation - 50
Ferry Rides - 5
Trips to ER - 3
Forgotten Anniversary - 0
Exchanged Same Anniversary Card - 1
Car Accidents - 2
Longest Road Trip - 4725 miles, Florida to Alaska
Shared Food Poisoning - 1
Trips to Graceland - 1
Countries Visited Together - 3
IRS audits - 2
Pets - 2
Renewed Vows - Almost once in Las Vegas but changed mind and went to Cirque du Soleil "O" instead
Months of Dating Before Proposal - 3 

                                      * * * * * 

"...there's a full moon rising. Let's go dancing in the light. We know where the music's playing. Let's go out and feel the night. I want to see you dance again on this harvest moon." Neil Young "Harvest Moon" 1992 

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Marriage between the covers...the classics

Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
The Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton
Rebecca - Daphne DuMaurier
Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? - Edward Albee
MacBeth - William Shakespeare
Angle of Repose - Wallace Stegner
Joy in the Morning - Betty Smith
The Awakening - Kate Chopin

Marriage between the covers...thrillers

Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn
The Silent Wife - A.S.A. Harrison
Lisey's Story - Stephen King
The Breakdown - B.A. Paris
Every Last Lie - Mary Kubica
The Guest Room - Chris Bohjalian
Don't Go - Lisa Scottoline
The Last Mrs. Parrish - Liv Constantine
The Couple Next Door - Shari Lapena

Marriage between the covers...general

Becoming Mrs. Lewis - Patti Callahan
The Husband's Secret - Liane Moriarty
The Amateur Marriage - Anne Tyler
The Salt House - Lisa Duffy
All We Ever Wanted - Emily Giffin
The Wife - Meg Wolitzer
Waiting - Ha Jin
The Paris Wife - Paula McLain
Sea Change - Karen White
Silver Wedding - Maeve Binchy
Bird in Hand - Christina Baker Kline
Small Blessings - Martha Woodroof
A Change in Altitude - Anita Shreve
Loving Frank - Nancy Horan
Mrs. Kimble - Jennifer Haigh
The Bride's House; The Patchwork Bride - Sandra Dallas
Mrs. Bridge - Evan Connell 

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